Ever play Wallet Top Trumps? The rules are simple: you have to be in the pub having already consumed one too many ales and already talking shit. Then you start pulling random shit out of your wallet. Best shit wins. That’s it.
I just came across an old wallet that was lost and since returned. Was most chuffed to get it back, as it I thought I’d lost a few Top Trumps.
Just warming up… some punts and shillings
I picked these up in some fast food place in New Jersey post 9-11. They’re like those wet wipe things you get on planes. The text on the back reads KARI-OUT will donate a portion of the proceeds from the sale of this fresh nap to charities for the attack on America. I didn’t know there were charities that funded terrorism.
Engrish instructions I got a with a Secret-Santa-inflicted pedometer.
My favourite bits are:
“This stepping meter can only count correctly under the flat plant“
“Under the following conditions, the stepping meter can’t count correctly:
(i)Moon Walking, Wearing Sandal
(ii) When walking in the tricky condition.”
Get out of Jail (not free) card
And just when you thought I’d dealt my top trump with some classic Engrish, I’d whip out my get out of jail card. Also picked up in New Jersey. It’s a business card from a bail bondsman.
Can you top that?